Pick Your Team
by Cally Starkiller
Summary: Which team are you on? Team Edward? Or Team Jacob? When the Normandy crew watched the Twilight series, debate ensues. But Edward and Jacob don't cut it...so changes are made. Inspired by a convo between WolverinesDarlin and myself.


**A/N: This idea spawned from a conversation between me (Cally Starkiller) and WolverinesDarlin. **

**Random and rantful…the story begins. **

**Dedicated to WolverinesDarlin since she helped inspire the story. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Team Edward!" Shepard yelled at Tali who was starting to get frustrated.

"Why? Jacob was clearly the better for Bella." Tali crossed her arms as Shepard was starting to look livid.

"Because he was like her son or brother because clearly it stated in the books that-" Shepard was going into full blown rant mood until Tali interrupted.

"There you go again about the books. I've only watched the movies with you guys but-" Shepard interrupted as well.

"People always watch the movies first without reading the books. Gosh what's the point and-" Tali threw up her arms in frustration and left Shepard fuming.

"Twilight obsessed!" Tali giggled as she entered the elevator, Shepard starting to clench her fists.

"It's not my fault that I like 21st century stuff." Shepard mumbled before sitting down at the mess hall table, everybody staring at her. "I like Star Wars more anyways. Twilight is just a thing I like to poke fun at."

A few murmurs of agreement floated around her but only one protested. "I'm more for Team Jacob. His upper body…" Kelly sighed dreamily. "Team Jacob all the way."

"Whatever." Shepard waved her hand at her as if to end the impending conversation and drummed her fingers lazily on the tabletop.

"What's Team Jacob?" Jacob Taylor walked past them, a quizzical look on his face. Kelly immediately blushed and smiled sweetly at him.

"Twilight teams is an old competition between Team Edward and Team Jacob. Edward is the vampire while Jacob is the werewolf. I-"

"Jacob is NOT a werewolf. Didn't you read the books? Him and that pack of wolves were only shape shifters that happened to look like werewolves!" Shepard gasped out, exasperated. 'Why can't anyone get it right?'

"You read the books Commander?" Kelly rose her eyebrow at the stoic Commander.

"I like to read about the 21st century trends. Its interesting." She shrugged, the blank look still present on her face.

"Well if we're picking teams, then I pick Team Edward." Hadley said meekly, confessing his viewpoint on the whole Twilight saga the entire Normandy crew watched.

"Please! Team Jacob is the winner here." Matthews argued. Hawthorne shook his head.

"I'm Team Edward. There…I said it. I lost my manhood." Hawthorne laughed along with the other two.

Ken and Gabby had differing views. "I'm Team Jacob!" Gabby said proudly.

"Nay. I'm Team Edward simply because of the fact that Jacob doesn't own a shirt and Edward does." Ken stated, pointing at his own.

"That's true." Shepard admitted. "Nice way to put it Ken." In response Ken gave her a thumbs up while sticking his tongue at Gabby who just rolls her eyes.

At that time, Joker and Garrus put in their two cents. Joker said over the intercom, "I think there should be a Team Joker."

Shepard laughed at that. "Why a Team Joker?"

"Cause I'm cool like that Commander." Joker stated it like it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

"If Joker gets a Team Joker then I get a Team Garrus." Garrus said from behind her. Shepard's eyes widened at that idea.

"Whoa whoa guys! Then who's the Bella in all this?" Joker is silent. Garrus falls quiet.

"I think you should be, Shepard." Kelly piped up.

"Hell no! That's absurd. And another thing-"

"Oh my gosh! This will be so cute and great! We'll all take polls and…" Kelly continued her plan with the rest of the crew while Shepard slips away, disgusted by the suggestion.

"I swear this crew takes it too far sometimes." Shepard grumbles as she heads into the elevator.

* * *

Shepard awoke after a long nap and checked the clock. "I've been asleep for seven hours?" She jumped out of bed and realized that she was still wearing the same clothes. "Just a quick shower. Quickie…"

She hopped into the bathroom and business ensued.

* * *

"Everybody got the right size?" Joker said over the intercom.

A collected yes echoed throughout the ship and Joker cringed from the noise. "EDI go tell-" A loud singing voice was heard from one deck up. "Shit Shepard's up. Hey guys its show time!"

* * *

Shepard steps out into the elevator and hums quietly to the elevator music and with head hung low, she checks her messages. Ignoring the numerous snickering and muffled laughter from around her, she erases the spam and archives the one from Anderson.

"Good afternoon Shepard." Kelly says from behind her.

"Yeah you too." Shepard moves past her but stops suddenly. She brings her head up and turns around to the sight of Kelly wearing a t-shirt.

"Team Garrus?" Shepard questions, shock seeping in. The words, 'Team Garrus!' were written in loopy letters and the t-shirt was partially wrinkly, like as if they've been sitting in a box for a long time.

"Team Garrus all the way!" Kelly exclaims happily and goes back to work.

"This is weird." She goes into the hallway near the cockpit and risks a glance down at Hadley and Matthews. "Oh god! You two stand up! Wait. All of you stand up!" Everybody sitting at their posts stood up and Shepard's mouth fell agape.

Team Joker and Team Garrus shirts everywhere. "Joker! Get the hell in here. And tell Garrus to get his ass up here as well."

The elevator door opened immediately and Garrus stepped out and rushed over to her. A 'I'm Garrus' t-shirt was present over his armor. She turned around and saw Joker limping over to her with a 'I'm Joker' t-shirt.

"Here you go Bella." Joker winked at her and handed her a t-shirt that read, 'I'm the Commander.'

That's when the laughter emerged from underneath the layer of shock. Tears of mirth filled her blue eyes as she fell to the ground in a fit of laughter. Joker chuckled while Garrus smothered his laugh. Everybody else around the whole ship joined her as Shepard put on the ridiculous shirt and proclaimed, "That's my crew!"

And underneath the words 'I'm the Commander' was 'Pick Your Team!'


End file.
